The Kiss That Was Different

I’ve heard distinct and varied metaphors used to describe church planting.  Some people say it’s a marathon, others say it’s like giving birth. 

For us, it was a war. 

Let me be clear, real war is physical and bloody and hellish.  Church planting is not that.  Building a church is a different kind of war.  The objectives are spiritual, the attacks are emotional, and the victories are often quiet and unreported.

Our church planting experience was a fight from day one.  It was a fight that we instigated and relished, but it was a fight, nonetheless. 

There were epic spiritual battles that we engaged in for years in order to reach the lost, define our vision and protect unity; and there were minor skirmishes we fought periodically over things like budgets and offended members and faulty equipment. 

Heather and I were always right in the thick of the fight.  We were the medics, recruiters, supply officers and frontline soldiers all at once.  Faces painted; boots strapped; bandages and guns in tow.  

Make no mistake about it, a new church isn’t a baby, it’s a battleground.  And on every battleground, there are losses.  The church planter suffers them all.

One of the things Heather and I lost on the battleground was the ability to speak to one another.  I’m not talking about giving orders or calling in artillery, we were great at that; I’m talking about real and intimate conversation. 

There was down time, but it was different then.  Sex was R&R, vacation was leave - there was always a battle to get back to.  You can’t breathe in war; you can only try to breathe.  It seemed like we were always trying to breathe.

Our time was overrun by talk of growth projections and fundraising goals.  There were no longer questions about dreams and desires.  In the trenches, you don’t make yourself vulnerable, you ask for ammo.  For three years, I asked my wife for ammo.

But last weekend Heather kissed me in a way that told me all of that is over now.

We went out for our first official post-war dinner date.  It was noteworthy because we talked like regular people.  We didn’t converse about battle plans or strategic thinking.  We spoke about simple things.  Beautiful things. 

We talked about prayer and hope and the future.  Our conversation was spontaneous and playful like a cool stream on a warm day. We sipped each other’s drinks and smiled a lot because that's what happy people do.  When she spoke, I admired her, and when I spoke, I think she admired me, too. 

It was a night like the ones we used to have…a long time ago. 

After dinner, we walked a little too slowly to the car.  Secretly, I was afraid that if we left we might not ever get back.  When I held her car door open in homage to a bygone era, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known took that opportunity to kiss me.   

She said as much in that kiss as she had all night. 

Her kiss was deep and warm.  It was the kind of kiss that is generous and vulnerable; it gave and took at the same time.  She lingered, and I hoped the moment would never end. 

Heather spoke to me in that kiss.  She told me that she was no longer weary from holding a weapon and fighting our war.  She told me that she was no longer afraid that I had forgotten her.  She told me that she was happy and healing. 

I think she was glad that I was back.  I think she was glad that I was funny again.  I think she was glad that we are finding each other, and I think she was glad that I had opened that door for her.

I don’t know if I said the same things to her as I kissed her back.  I tried.  I wanted her to know what I was feeling.  I wanted her to hear all of the things I didn’t know how to say.  But most importantly, I wanted her to know that I’ll never fight as hard as when I’m fighting for her.

Heather and I are different now.  We’re braver.  We’re stronger.  We’re closer.  We’re different in so many ways.  I know that because of the way she kissed me. 

Comments

[Jen Duxbury]

Wow

[Heath]

Good stuff....made me emotional because my heart is big for pastors that get roughed up in the fight. Glad normalcy is creeping back in. Praying for more kisses for you guys.