My Anti-Thanksgiving List

Tomorrow is our day to give thanks, but tomorrow is not yet here.  Therefore, I don't feel guilty for what I am about to do.  Today, I will push back from the table of appreciation.  I will reject the holiday's siren song of indebtedness.  I will revolt. 

Today, I unveil my anti-Thanksgiving list.  If you can handle the rebellion, enjoy.

The Twenty Things I Refuse To Give Thanks For:

1. October Christmas displays
2. Unsalted peanuts
3. Hockey
4. The "greeter" at Wal-Mart who looks at me suspiciously when I exit the store.
5. Vehicle tax
6. Glenn Beck
7. Ear hair
8. Any song by Maroon 5
9. Sticky floors
10. The term "chillaxin"
11. My alarm clock
12. Facebook drama
13. Country music ringtones
14. Mimes
15. Conversations that start with "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but..."
16. Email forwards
17. The decision to desecrate the franchise by producing The Godfather III
18. Dry wine
19. Mosquitoes
20. Viruses

So there you have it.  That's my list.  The Bible says that we should "give thanks in all circumstances" (I Thess. 5:18) but it doesn't say that we have to give thanks for all circumstances.  It's a Biblical loophole that I like to jump through every once in a while.  

I'm glad I got that out of my system.  I feel much better now.  Tomorrow I'll be much more spiritual but today I'm rejecting things like cranberry sauce! (that's #21 on my list)

 

(Originally posted on November 24, 2010.  This list has staying power.)